dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
