it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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