I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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