I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
