Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
cat food counts as protein by the way
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
