I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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