So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
