i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
