perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
