awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
