fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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