Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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