My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
