He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
