I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
