i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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