i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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