I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
