you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
