My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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