Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize