jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
