he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
