i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
