Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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