Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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