Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
