The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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