I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize