my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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