On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
