did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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