I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
