I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
