Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
