drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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