New low: just hacked my moms facebook
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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