I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
