That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
