Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
