I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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