I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
