He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
