Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im part way to drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
