Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
