They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
