is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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