careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
