Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think my moral compass just broke
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
