You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
