The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sponge bath it is.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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