"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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