So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
