i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
