he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
