These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize