Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
