I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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