The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
