I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize