What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
