I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
