dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
