We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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