I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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