Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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