when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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