i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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