just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
