He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
