They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
