where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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