Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
